SFB

Angie called me around 9 pm last night to tell me I owe her a prime rib dinner. Turns out she and Greg went out to celebrate their anniversary and after dinner Angie was feeling nauseous and got sick in the parking lot, well, actually in the passenger seat of Greg's truck, but she had time to roll down the window first, thankfully. Happy Anniversary, Angie.

In this conversation she also let it slip what she has been calling the baby (fetus, technically, but I will call her a baby for purposes of this blog): SFB, which, she hesitantly informed me, stands for Science Fiction Baby. My first impulse was to be slightly offended. Who wants their kid to have such a nickname. But, the more I thought about it, the more it kind of suits the baby, in a literal kind of way. The science part is appropriate, given her method of conception. And the fiction part-- in a weird way, her being has to be somewhat of a fiction to both Angie and I. Neither of us can really feel like her "real" mother at this point.

To me, I have no physical signs of being pregnant. My body isn't telling of my impending motherhood. And Angie is not showing yet, so while I have seen the ultrasound, and I know Angie is feeling symptoms, I have no personal physical proof of her existence. Also, and I am trying to get over this, I can't really let myself believe I will be a mother again in June, given my history. People have asked me when I will finally accept this, and truth is, until she is born, I don't think I can ever truly let my guard down completely.

And although I can't speak for Angie, because I am fairly certain that we have opposite views on pretty much everything, and particularly feelings, I would imagine that for her it is easier to consider this baby somewhat of a fiction as well. She did tell me that it was no fun being pregnant this time around because she can't look at all the pregnancy and baby magazines and pick out nursery furniture or cute outfits for this little one (although I told her that she was more than welcome to do so). And I used to encourage her to post on this blog about her pregnancy, how she was feeling, etc, but I have thought better of it, as maybe she doesn't want to analyze this pregnancy in that detail, maybe it would be easier for her not to go there.

So, Science Fiction Baby may fit. And I am not offended because, you see, as long as the last word proves to be true come June (and hopefully not before), I am not really all that concerned about what she is called.

Check back late next week. Angie finally made her OB appointment and I think we are going to get to take another peek at the baby.

The Chinese Conception Calendar Was Right

Eight Weeks

Angie is 8 weeks pregnant today. Today is also the last day the embryo is considered an embryo. Tomorrow it will officially be a fetus. Crazy what info these online due date calculators can tell you now. I considered putting one of those baby ticker widgets on the sidebar of this blog and found a really cool one that has a picture of what the embryo/fetus looks like at the particular gestation its is at, but since it is still so early and our embryo still looks sort of like a jellybean-sized squid, I thought I would hold off on that for a month or two.

Thanks for voting in my poll to those that voted. Unfortunately the only way to find out the results seems to be to log in to my account, so I will just tell you that 9 people have voted to find out now, 2 voted for 20 weeks, and 3 of you have unbelievable patience and would not find out until birth. Looks like I side with the majority of you, and called the clinic yesterday to ask them to find out. Now, remember, they transferred two embryos, so if we had one of each gender transferred, then we will be forced to wait until the anatomy scan to find out which one implanted.

The clinic called me at 8 am this morning (of course, my only day off and Fletcher was still asleep until the phone rang...) and both embryos transferred were the same gender. And I am going to be coy and not post the results yet! I want you guys to comment with your guesses, and if you are feeling really talkative, let me know why you think it is the gender you think it is. I thought about being really mean and saying I would not post gender until I get at least 10 guesses in the comments but (1) I don't really think anyone but myself and my immediate family really care all that much and (2) I have already told my immediate family and most readers either fall into that category or speak on the regular basis to someone who falls into that category.

So, check back soon for the big reveal!

Angie is Pregnant!

This may not look like much to you, but it sure is beautiful to me. Angie had her first pregnancy ultrasound today and this is what we saw. One gestational sac, one yolk sac, one embryo, and one heartbeat. All measuring right on target. I think Trevor was initially a little sad that it is not twins. Me: 99% relieved and 1% disappointed. Truthfully, while we would love to have more kids, the logistics of having healthy full-term newborn twins plus Fletcher would probably have sent me over the edge (let alone all the potential complications of a multiple gestation).

Whoa, already talking about newborns, I am getting way ahead of myself. I, as much as anyone, know that there is a long road to go, with many obstacles, between a 7 week ultrasound and a full-term baby (EDD June 12, 2009, by the way).

After the scan (which was done in a full house with the RE, nurse, Angie, me, Trevor, Fletcher and Michael squeezed into the tiny ultrasound room) we discussed the next step, which is either another ultrasound at the clinic at 9 weeks, or, because everything looks really good, Angie could just be released to her regular OB right now. I am going to check Angie's insurance to see if having an additional scan now will limit the availability of future covered scans and if not, we'll probably do the 9 week ultrasound. May be a quirky thing about us "infertiles," we never turn down a peak at our hard-earned babies.

They also gave Angie instructions on gradually weening her estrogen and progesterone supplements and a list of approved medicines, including a few things that help with nausea as she has not been feeling her best.

Finally, the RE told me about a little option that I didn't know about during Fletcher's cycle. She said that the lab we used for the genetic testing (CPG) tests the sex chromosomes of the embryos, but only indicates on the original report whether or not they are normal. It does not indicate gender of the embryos (because they do not allow people to select which embryos to transfer based on gender). However, once a pregnancy is achieved, the fertility clinic can call CPG and find out the gender of the embryos we transferred. Honestly, if it were only up to me, I think I would want gender to remain a mystery until birth. But, if you know Angie, you know that is not an option. So, if we are going to find out at the 20 week anatomy ultrasound anyway, do you think we may as well find out now? Let me know what you would do if you were me by voting in my nifty little poll:

Third Beta

"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility. It's not like gladness or joy which stick around just for the good stuff. Hope is my heart's missionary. It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them. Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart, clears out the cobwebs, and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection. " --Maggie Lindley

Angie's third beta at 14dp5dt was 1109. More than double from Monday. Everything looks great. Check out the increase in graph form:

And, to compare, the same chart from the Fletcher cycle. Once again, Angie's numbers are much higher, but that is in part due to the fact that she has been testing later in the cycle.

Her pregnancy ultrasound is scheduled for Wednesday, October 29th. Wow, I can hardly believe this is happening. This news, and the fact that I got to wake up next to my sweet, sweet baby boy, have been the greatest birthday gifts I could ever imagine.

Second Beta

Angie's second beta at 12dp5dt came in at 463, so still going strong. As I mentioned in my last post, she will go in for her final beta on Wednesday, and assuming things look good, they will schedule the ultrasound to see how many embryos implanted and how everything looks (whether there is one or more gestational sacs and/or fetal poles, not sure if you can see the heart beat at this time). You can't definitively tell if there is multiples from hCG tests, but according to the chart I found online, her numbers indicate a strong singleton pregnancy.

Here is the same chart from the cycle in which I conceived Fletcher, not that it really makes any difference. I had my betas during the Fletcher cycle a little earlier, but it looks like it was on about the same curve.

I did see one website that indicated higher hCG numbers may mean it is a girl, but obviously, as Fletcher is a boy, that isn't always the case. Angie thinks it is a girl because she is feeling nauseous. I thought she felt sick with the boys, too, but maybe not this early. Who knows, all those drugs really do a number on your hormones.

I am still too afraid to get my hopes up too high, but I am really feeling good about this. You know, one thing I have learned in the past couple of years is that you should take every opportunity to be happy. Whether or not I enjoy this good news will not have a bearing on whether this pregnancy will develop or continue to term, so darn it, I will be happy about this. And yes, that last sentence was a pep talk to myself.

Beta Results

I thought about concocting a long post to wade through before getting to the results, but I changed my mind. Angie's first beta, at 8dp5dt (translation: eight days post five day transfer) is 90. It is a good solid number. I couldn't be happier, but it is only the beginning. She goes back to the lab next Monday and then again next Wednesday, and if her betas increase appropriately they will schedule an ultrasound probably around the end of the month. We still have a long way to go, but today's news is huge!

When I was going through my third IVF cycle I went to see an acupuncturist who was really into meditation and alternative medicine. She suggested I pick a phrase to meditate upon in preparation for the cycle, so I asked my mom if she knew of any good bible verses that would serve this purpose. She suggested the following verse from Romans 12:12: "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Little did I know how often I would turn to that phrase for comfort and direction. I used this to meditate upon during that cycle, and then again during my next cycle, and again during my bed rest and Fletcher's NICU stay.

Today, I am definitely joyful in hope.