Angie called me around 9 pm last night to tell me I owe her a prime rib dinner. Turns out she and Greg went out to celebrate their anniversary and after dinner Angie was feeling nauseous and got sick in the parking lot, well, actually in the passenger seat of Greg's truck, but she had time to roll down the window first, thankfully. Happy Anniversary, Angie.
In this conversation she also let it slip what she has been calling the baby (fetus, technically, but I will call her a baby for purposes of this blog): SFB, which, she hesitantly informed me, stands for Science Fiction Baby. My first impulse was to be slightly offended. Who wants their kid to have such a nickname. But, the more I thought about it, the more it kind of suits the baby, in a literal kind of way. The science part is appropriate, given her method of conception. And the fiction part-- in a weird way, her being has to be somewhat of a fiction to both Angie and I. Neither of us can really feel like her "real" mother at this point.
To me, I have no physical signs of being pregnant. My body isn't telling of my impending motherhood. And Angie is not showing yet, so while I have seen the ultrasound, and I know Angie is feeling symptoms, I have no personal physical proof of her existence. Also, and I am trying to get over this, I can't really let myself believe I will be a mother again in June, given my history. People have asked me when I will finally accept this, and truth is, until she is born, I don't think I can ever truly let my guard down completely.
And although I can't speak for Angie, because I am fairly certain that we have opposite views on pretty much everything, and particularly feelings, I would imagine that for her it is easier to consider this baby somewhat of a fiction as well. She did tell me that it was no fun being pregnant this time around because she can't look at all the pregnancy and baby magazines and pick out nursery furniture or cute outfits for this little one (although I told her that she was more than welcome to do so). And I used to encourage her to post on this blog about her pregnancy, how she was feeling, etc, but I have thought better of it, as maybe she doesn't want to analyze this pregnancy in that detail, maybe it would be easier for her not to go there.
So, Science Fiction Baby may fit. And I am not offended because, you see, as long as the last word proves to be true come June (and hopefully not before), I am not really all that concerned about what she is called.
Check back late next week. Angie finally made her OB appointment and I think we are going to get to take another peek at the baby.
2 comments:
I would be just like you in that I wouldn't want to believe it until she was born. And maybe Angie even feels that way to some extent given the journey you all have been on to get this far. The good news is that as things progress (i.e. you feel the baby kick) the "fiction" will lessen.
Well worth the wait on that post Erin. You've expressed yourself beautifully and let us into your world a little bit. There's so many feelings that you don't even consider or know about before being in a situation. Once again, I find myself overwhelmed that you've chosen to share all of this with us. I hope it can be an outlet for you. And maybe it won't all feel so surreal at some point. So many people have commented on what an amazing journey you are all taking and I don't think too many of us realize how amazing and new it will all be. Much love to you! And Angie! And SFB!
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