Tired, Nervous, Distracted, Frustrated, Hopeful, but Mostly Grateful

That about sums up how I am feeling right about now.

Tired from the drugs; nervous about how many eggs will be retrieved, fertilize, pass PGD and grow to day five; distracted from my work; frustrated that conceiving a child has to be so darn complicated for Trevor and me; hopeful that this will actually, somehow, all work out; and grateful that the technology is available and that Angie has agreed to do this for us.

I edited the last sentence of my last post for clarity, based on Angie's comment, to acknowledge that she isn't just about to begin, but has been in the trenches since April doing shots of the crazy-inducing Lupron and subjecting herself to other humiliating procedures, all for me. I have always been thankful for what she is doing, but I have to admit at times (although rare) it was kind of a bitter-type of thankful in that I thought, "why shouldn't she do this for me, she has been lucky enough to have a few "easy" full term pregnancies, and I have had such misfortune in this area, poor me." But after seeing her pull out her Lupron shot just before dinner the other night at my mom's house, and having to put her crying toddler down, essentially putting her life on hold, to inject herself with menopausal simulating hormones, well, it just really hit home how selfless she is being in all of this.

So, thank you Angie. No matter what happens with transfer, whether the embryo implants or not, I will always be eternally grateful for your sacrifices to help me build my family. And, no, I am not just saying this so you don't smoke crack while you're carrying around my kid.